


You and Me Could Nom a Good Romance

by GlitterAndDoom



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Burrito, Crack, Crack Pairing, Food, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-29
Updated: 2011-06-29
Packaged: 2017-10-20 20:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/216653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterAndDoom/pseuds/GlitterAndDoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Would he see the Universe in her guacamole eyes?</i> - Tommy meets his true love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and Me Could Nom a Good Romance

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the glam_kink prompt: _I blame this on twitter. It wasn't even a thought in my head until then, but now I can't un-think it. And seriously? Why hasn't this been thought of/prompted before? We have Adam/microphone and Adam/glow stick, but no Tommy/burrito when he's clearly in love with them? Come on, people!_
> 
> _As far as the prompt goes, whatever, whenever, however. Make it a torrid love affair, or a secret kink or totally hilarious crack!fic. I DON'T CARE. I just want to read Tommy getting it on with/in/over his favorite type of food!_
> 
> And it is 100% abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous.

It was at a tiny dive in the middle of fucking nowhere that he found it.

"Ew." Adam's whole face contorted in disgust when Tommy opened the foam container. "You're really gonna eat that? It looks like—"

"Shh!" Tommy held up a hand, commanding Adam to be quiet, and, surprisingly, Adam listened. "It's…" Fuck, he couldn't even find the words. He inhaled its delicious scent—beans and cheese and meat, spicy salsa, the mild tartness of sour cream, and the aroma of chopped lettuce and tomatoes. His mouth began to water.

"It's your heart," Adam said, and stole a bottle of water from the fridge. "And stomach." He slammed the door closed with his hip, then disappeared from the kitchen, shouting, "Don't come crying to me when you're puking your guts out tomorrow!"

Tommy smiled. He was alone with it now. Alone with _her_. Surely such beauty deserved a gender, a name, a personality. Perhaps he'd call her Burrita—or maybe Rita.

Names were not his forte.

But what would she be like? Would she dance upon his tongue when he took that first ample bite? Would she sing? Would he see the Universe in her guacamole eyes?

His hand started for his fork, then grabbed his beer instead. Not quite ready. No, such a glorious lady deserved a little caution, a little…foreplay. Yes, Rita the Burrito—capitals all necessary, of course—deserved care, deserved gentleness, deserved _love_. He couldn't just get all stab-happy with a knife and fork, oh no.

He downed a swallow of icy beer, then another, and he leaned in for a closer look.

He could…no, that would be stupid. Grown men didn't just _lick_ their food like that.

He reached for his napkin and wiped the mix of sour cream, salsa, and guacamole from his nose, then looked around to make sure no one was watching. They weren't, of course, so he trailed his tongue down her gorgeous body again, licking a broad swipe along her cylindrical curves, tasting melted cheeses and delicious sauces, inhaling her beautiful perfume. Then, he took that first bite, a gentle, tentative nip to her side…

"Oh my fucking _God_ ," he moaned. She was fucking _unbelievable_. He quickly took another bite, and then another, losing himself to her warmth, devouring pure perfection.

Behind him, someone cleared their throat. He turned around quickly, face burning hot, and Adam burst out laughing. "Shit, Tommy," he choked out, blackmail in his eyes as he doubled over with giggles. "Where the fuck is Isaac's camera when you need it?"

Tommy shrugged, and he turned back to his burrito and started eating once again.


End file.
